


Stars

by LadyAmina



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety, Friendship, Gen, MWPP, Misunderstandings, anxiety trigger, first nights at Hogwarts, first year marauders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 18:34:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15846993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyAmina/pseuds/LadyAmina
Summary: When they first arrived at Hogwarts, Remus and Sirius weren't best friends.  In fact, Remus didn't even like Sirius.  Sometimes first impressions get stuck that way.





	Stars

Remus was sure he had never been quite this level of overwhelmed before.  It wasn’t enough that his anxiety had him on edge about being in such close proximity to so many people, he had to be standing in the Entrance Hall of Hogwarts having a full-fledged panic attack. Everything around him – the too bright colours, the flickering light cast by so many candles – was swimming violently, when something hit him in the shoulder.

Someone.  A boy of average height and small frame.  Remus was instantly livid.  The band of tension in him that had been twisted and pulled by the mounting anxiety just snapped.

“Oi!” he hollered, though the boy, whose dark hair was swept up and carefully set upon his head.

The boy pointed to Remus’s arm, where his robes were riding up to reveal bare skin. “I like your scars.”

Remus’s hot blood turned to ice.  He folded in on himself, trying to make himself as small and invisible as possible.  The boy was gone before Remus could even ask what he’d done to offend him. 

Remus’s insides were still twisting with hurt and anger and guilt and anxiety when the sorting began.  His tormentor was one of the very first names called. Remus didn’t care where he ended up, as long as it wasn’t with that boy.  In that moment, Remus hated Sirius Black.

 

 

It only took one good night’s sleep for Remus to recognize that maybe _hate_ was a bit extreme, but he certainly wasn’t comfortable in Sirius’s presence.  Avoiding him, however, was going to prove unpleasant for Remus, as they just so happened to share a bedroom.  Two hundred arriving students, and one of the three Remus had to room with was the boy with the cruel humor.

            This was not something that escaped the notice of another roommate, James Potter.  James had been actively encouraging friendships between all of the dormmates, and Remus had not made any attempts to hide his dislike of Sirius. 

            “You don’t strike me as an unreasonable bloke.  Did he do something to offend you? Hurt you?  Is it his… name?” James asked him, a little over week into their first term.

            Remus rolled his eyes.  “You know I have no idea what you’re talking about with all that.  He didn’t do anything horrible, he just…” Remus folded his arms, feeling for the ends of his sleeves to pull them taught over his wrists. “He was mocking my scars.”

            James was beside himself.  Livid with Sirius.  He wanted Remus’s permission to address the issue directly with Sirius, but Remus steadfastly refused.

            He also refused to acknowledge Sirius’s presence.  To his credit, Sirius always went out of his way to be kind to Remus.  He made a point to hold the door for Remus, even when Remus was lagging defiantly behind. 

            James stayed true to his word not to confront Sirius about his hurtful words, but he did stop putting any effort into getting to know Sirius. Once James seemed to lose interest in him, so did Peter.  It meant that the sight of Sirius, kept quietly to himself, wandering the corridors on his own, was not at all unusual.

           

Remus had fallen asleep in the library, betrayed by his body with over a week until the full moon.  It was already after curfew as he gathered his belongings and sprinted out of the library.  He only narrowly missed bowling right into a lone figure just outside of the Gryffindor Common Room.  Still, they yelped in fright, and Remus came to a halt, apologizing before he could even see his near-victim.

“I’m sorry- Sirius,” Remus straightened up.

“Don’t mention it,” Sirius shook his head.  His hair fell in oily strands around his ears – a far cry from the night of the sorting.

Remus couldn’t bring himself to work back up to a run.  Sirius, shuffling along beside him, looked so _unwell_.  Had anyone noticed?  Was anyone worried about him?

“I’m sorry I did whatever I did to you,” Sirius blurted out after a moment of tense silence. 

“You know what you did,” Remus accused, but for the first time since the incident, he wasn’t sure Sirius _did_ know what he had done to upset Remus.

“Was it what I said about your freckles?” Sirius asked.

Remus was taken aback.  “What? No, what did you say about my freckles?”

“Beauty marks?  Birthmarks?  Whatever they are. On your arm?  I’m sorry, I didn’t know that was going to upset you, I never would have said it.”

“What… did you say about my arm?”

Sirius touched his own arm idly. They had stopped walking at some point, and stood facing each other just before the sleeping portrait of The Fat Lady. “I said I like your stars.”

“My stars?”

“The ones that look like constellations.”

_‘I like your stars’._

Remus pushed the sleeve of his shirt halfway up his arm, revealing two brilliantly shiny strips of scar tissue; a hundred little bumps from old cursed cuts; and skin scattered with plums of freckles. 

Sirius pointed to a cluster of marks and noted, “You have both big and little dippers just right there.  And I think you have at least the bottom half of Sagittarius up further there.”

 “Are you, like, an astronomy prodigy?” Remus asked, only partially joking.

“No, but it’s what my parents taught me when other kids were learning about compassion.” There was a dryness in his tone that Remus was not used to hearing from kids his own age. Aside from himself.

“I thought you were making fun of my scars,” Remus said quietly as they resumed their journey.  The Fat Lady wasn’t exactly pleased about being disturbed from her sleep, but she seemed too tired for any kind of real indignation. 

Sirius looked pale, even surrounded by the glow of the scarlet furniture.  “That would be awful, I’d never do that.”

Remus nodded, “I know that.  Now.” He wanted to say something, apologize, maybe.  For wasting time not being friendly.  But he said nothing as they approached the dormitory door together.

“We should start again.” Remus said before Sirius could grip the handle. 

“How do you mean?”

Remus shrugged.  “Just start over.  All of us. No more unnecessary bad feelings.”

They agreed and parted ways to sleep in their beds, as far apart as they could be in a circular room.  But before Remus laid his head on his pillow, he stage-whispered, “Goodnight, Sirius.”

“Good night, Remus.”


End file.
